Coffee: Because Other Habits Are Bad for You

We live in a crazy world. With more and more gadgets and all sorts of strange pop culture stuff nowadays, I just can’t keep up. I like to keep my focus on what I know and trust: coffee.

That’s why I laugh off the critics who warn me about my coffee habit. Sure, I drink quite a bit of java — although I mix up the caffeinated and decaf versions to keep the jitters down. But from where I sit, I think there are far worse habits I could have outside of my six to eight cups per day.

Let’s have a look:

Shop-a-holism: My buddy Jake’s wife spends on average $700 per month shopping for clothes. That’s plain ridiculous. I mean, do you have any idea how much fishing gear I could buy with that kind of money?

Bike shorts syndrome: Have you ever been sitting in a cafe, and there’s some sweaty dude standing in line next to you wearing bike shorts? Unless you've just finished the Tour de France or something, man, you really don't need to wear those. And I really don't want to see that.

$6 coffees: I’m sorry, what is a triple mocha latte, half-caf with a rear fender and back scratcher? Oh, yeah, you mean coffee. I like it black. It’s not supposed to be $6, but I guess some people just can’t help themselves.

Instagram: I don’t have an Instagram account, but my wife does, and every once in a while, I’ll have a look over her shoulder. I’m still trying to figure out the whole “selfie” thing, why there are photos of someone’s daily meals and what hashtags do. I mean, my lunch was delicious, but I don’t really need anyone to know that I just ordered half of the menu (true story). Some things are better left unseen.

Nose-picking: I was sitting in a restaurant the other day having a bagel, and I saw a grown man picking his nose. Adults still do that in public? Come on man, get a tissue. I guess some habits never seem to die.

Adults & Harry Potter: I'm sorry; I'm an adult. I don't need to spend a huge sum of money getting into a theme park that's centered around a make-believe wizard and his pals. And if I want to drink a beer, I prefer a real one. None of that "butterbeer" stuff. After all, a grown man seems a little ridiculous when he knows the names of magical spells.

I figure my habit at least isn’t hurting anyone. And, when the rest of the world seems to be crazier than ever, I know I at least have my coffee.