I am a simple man, a textbook father, husband and friend. A true sports advocate with a March Madness bracket that will win me some serious money. I can build anything that comes with a manual (and pretty much anything without one), and I’m a damn talented cook; give me meat and a grill, and you’ll be sitting pretty. On an adventurous scale, I’d usually consider myself a solid 8. But times are changing, and I’ve realized that my rank may have dropped drastically. Especially when it comes to my coffee.
Let me give you a little context here. My daughter came over for lunch today and started talking with my wife. I listened to the conversation, adding my two cents here and there on the updates about her work and personal life. Then they start discussing workouts, healthy eating and cutting back on certain essential food groups, like sugar, red meatsand carbs. That is when I started to walk away because the next step is always fishing for compliments — the comments on “I need to lose some weight” start flooding in, and that’s dangerous territory. But then my daughter mentioned coffee, and I walked straight back into the room.
Daughter: “I’ve started the bulletproof life: coffee and butter.”
Me: “What in the world.”
I had never heard about bulletproof coffee before. It’s one of the latest try-hard fads out there. In my honest opinion, coffee doesn’t need anything added to it aside from possibly cream and sugar. I am not on board with any of these hip, new diets. (Yeah, not much of a shocker there.) First, let’s discuss what bulletproof coffee is. This is a cup of black coffee with the addition of unsalted butter from grass-fed cows and MCT oil. The calorie count on this beauty jumps up to a solid 400 calories per cup or more! The point of this “diet” is to up your calorie count in the morning and help trigger your metabolism. The main thing here is that it is meant to be a substitute for your morning meal — and that is absurd. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!
Daughter: “I know it sounds gross, but it’s extremely filling — and everyone is doing it.”
Me: “If someone jumped off a bridge, would you do it?”
Daughter: “You know I’ve already bungee jumped! Did you know that Shailene Woodley and Ed Sheeran drink bulletproof?
Daughter: “Ugh! Of course you wouldn’t try it dad; you aren’t adventurous.”
To sum it up, four — count ‘em, four — women in my family are now regularly drinking this bulletproof coffee and so is my brother-in-law. Maybe I’m not adventurous — trends, who needs ‘em! But honestly, does butter in your coffee interest you?